Upon moving to the beach, our family has tried to make a tradition of going fishing once a week. 
A:: My husband absolutely LOVES it.
B:: It gives me a nice break from the evening routine and lets the kids get out some extra energy. 

So far, our fishing trips have been quite entertaining to say the least, but last night was the craziest of all crazy.  Even more crazy than the time I caught a fish, began to reel it in all to hear the word, "SHARK!?!" come out of my husband's mouth!  Needless to say, I dropped the rod and took cover with my kids like there was a hurricane breaking on the shore.  Wade reminded me that the shark, that was now flipping and flopping on the beach was on a hook, with no intent to hurt.  I cautiously reminded him, no thanks.  Sharks can stay where they belong.  In the water.

So back to the craziest of all crazy.  Last night, Wade was fishing for fish.  But he caught a bird.  For those of you that may not know, I am terrified of birds.  So much that when they come near me on the beach, I literally start to get that closed throat, sweaty and very tense kind of feeling.  I don't like them.  Period.  So when I saw this bird slowly fly into Wade's fishing line and then proceed to swirl and then eventually flail in the water, all I could think was... REALLY?!?!.

Once Wade got the bird reeled in close, he was able to hold it down and retrieve his pocket knife for what would hopefully be a quick rescue.  I will be honest here.  When he asked for help, I quickly said "No."  But after several minutes of realizing that this was not going to be as simple as thought I decided I would have to help.  After all, this poor bird's death would be on my hands and even though I hate birds, I didn't want it to die.  So I went over and asked Wade what to do.  He said to grab the bird's beak. 

SERIOUSLY?!? 

I quickly grabbed the bird's beak and said some one sentence prayers along with some girly screams (you know the ones I am talking about).  Wade was able to get all of the fishing line that had entangled around the bird's wings and a few minutes later, he was done.  Here is the best part.  I was the one to let the bird go!  I was the last to let go and was the one to free the bird.  Okay, so I know that Wade did most of the work here, but I got to give myself some credit.  The bird stumbled, then walked, and eventually flew off!  It was honestly the best feeling ever!  I had overcome my fears, touched and freed a bird.  I felt so good about myself and I think Wade was even more proud of his crazy wife with the bird phobia.  We even got an applause from some spectators on the beach...

What was even more profound was when we got home and we were giving the girls a bath.   Emma Jane looked at me and said, "Mommy, you held a bird on the nose and it went "squawk, squawk!"  I realized how cool it was that my daughters were able to witness their mommy overcome a huge fear and do something that I did NOT want to do, but had to do! 

It may not have been a fish, but it was definitely a perfect catch for the evening... :)

I have been struggling with my quiet time with the Lord the past few days.  I have been trying to read the book of Leviticus and honestly, I have even skipped a few days of reading because I just couldn't pick up the Bible and read some of the "icky" words and descriptions told about the sacrifices given to the Lord.  Believe me... I wanted to read it with an open heart, but I was having a REALLY hard time.
Finally... This morning I had a WONDERFUL quiet time.  But before I can go there, I have to tell you what happened last night.  Wade and I decided to join a prayer group ministry at church on Wednesday nights.  Prayer has been such an eye opening experience in our walk with the Lord over the last few years and it has become my BIGest priority in my relationship with Christ.  I have been praying to God for many things and I think that this is one of them...  I feel like God is calling me to use my "prayers" for a bigger purpose than just when I am in the shower or on my morning run.  As far as what He wants me to do... I haven't got that far. 

With the decision to join the prayer ministry, we had to read a book called, "Glory" by Ruth Ward Heflin.  I have never even heard of the book title, the author or anything close to it, but as always I am eager to learn something new...

I was busy painting a frame and Wade decided to read the assigned chapter aloud.  :: side note :: We have never done anything like this together, but I highly recommend this.  It was awesome to hear him read to me.  Anyways...  One of the main points of what the chapter was about was how to bring Glory to God through worship.  Most of us "praise" the Lord when we go to church, but do we really "worship" Him.  Meaning, do we really lay down all of the "to-do lists" that play over and over in our mind, are we worried about what we are going to cook for lunch after church service or even more commonly, are we still holding a grudge against our husband from the earlier fight we had just before church because you couldn't find the matching shoe for your kid and he chose to sit in the car and blow the horn and once again you were late for service...

Just kidding...  but it is permanent.  At least for now until it decides to fade.  I left them upstairs to play while I managed to mop the floor downstairs and get the house ready for our guests this weekend, which was the 1st time that I had ever attempted this.  It was working extremely well and I was THRILLED to say the least that they were playing so well by themselves...

Then I heard... "Mommy come here!  I have color on my legs!"  Here is the worst part...  I knew that I had put all of the markers/ crayons up on a very high shelf, so in my mind there was no need to rush and ruin my chances of having a sparkling clean floor.  So I simply replied, "Be there in a minute." 

A minute turned into probably 10 or 15 and then upstairs I went.  All to see the beautiful artwork on their legs.  What's funny is that Lela has brown dots all over her legs.  I figure Ej was the artist and Lela was on the move, so that resulted in less coloring and more "dotting." 

After yesterday's rant about my child and her not so good behavior I felt the need to sit down and write for 2 reasons...  One, that I apologize for possibly "venting" to much, but on the other hand if someone else were to be at the end of the rope as a mother like I was yesterday, then I hope my blog post offered some "you are not alone" kind of comfort.  Two, I wanted to tell you that after much prayer, advice and a good night's sleep I am renewed and refreshed.

Yesterday for hours after the doctors appointment, I was so distraught about what the doctor had said and the behavior from my child, that all I wanted to do was to crawl in hole and just ignore the incident all together because I felt so helpless. Last night, I took a much needed trip to the grocery store by myself and had some good prayer time in the car.  It suddenly dawned on me that I have to show God's love through everything.  I just kept hearing, LOVE.  I thought about what the doctor said, how this was basically a "do or die" moment in my discipline tactics as a mother and how if I basically mess up now, it could determine their future.  Well, let me first say, that this doctor was genuine and sincere is his advice and again, I take no offense to his suggestions. But he offered his advice from a worldly perspective.  From a spiritual perspective, I know that God can redeem, transform and dismantle everything from our past and that through him we are a NEW CREATION.  Pondering this truth, immediately took away all the shame, guilt and condemnation that I was feeling as a mother.  My job is to seek His counsel in all things, including parenting, and by doing that, His grace will redeem my many mistakes that I will make. 

I do admit, there are a lot of things that I need to work on as an effective parent.  One of those things is when I say "no" to something, I stick to the answer.  I don't change my answer in fear that it will cause one of those inappropriate outburst like yesterday.  But with that said, I need to evaluate what I say "no" too.  And here is where God's love comes into play...  Am I saying "no" because it is what I want her to do or am I saying "no" because I have her best interest at heart? 

That's what I believe God to be.  He tells us no because he ultimately knows what is best for us as His children.  He doesn't say no because it is inconvenient, or maybe because He just doesn't feel like getting up to do it or maybe because He just doesn't want to clean up the mess that He knows it will make.  He says no because it is best for us.  Is that what I am deliberately considering her best interest before I say "no" ??

After much conversation with God, Wade and friends, I realize that there are some things that I could have done to possibly prevent what happened to me yesterday.  Possibly not.  Part of me thinks that it was just out of my control.  I do know that after writing my blog, hearing suggestions, and lots of prayer, that I at least do not feel alone.  I do not feel like an incompetent mother.  I am in this journey with a lot of hard working, passionate mothers who deal with this type of stuff daily and I am thankful that I have a heavenly Father who doesn't judge me, but kindly directs and counsels me in every step I make.