celebrating LIFE with my eyes closed.

i am sitting in a hospital room watching my sweet 3 year old sleep.  she has had a vicious stomach bug that sent her into severe dehydration and the poor thing has spent the last two days in the pediatric unit hooked up to an IV.

just 7 days ago i was busy planning a 4, soon to be 5 year old's birthday party and watching both girls run wild in the backyard.

6 days ago, i began to hold each of their hair back as i watched their little bodies endure a sickness that no child should ever have to endure.  unfortunately, my lela, well her immune system just takes some extra nurturing.  with every hold back of the hair, i recall praying, "Lord please heal her."  Soon these requests turned into a frustrated mother, no longer asking, but demanding and asking why has it not happened by now.  i think we have all been in that moment a time or two.

i was almost relieved when we were sent to the hospital.  i think i felt like i could finally surrender everything i had been trying to do to make my daughter well, over to someone who actually knew what to do.  i could rest.  i could surrender.  i found relief in knowing someone else could pick up my burden of making my daughter well and i could just be a mommy.  i could just love her.

the last few days have been tough.  wade with a new job, had to go to work leaving me with 3 kids in one hospital room.  but i survived.  i don't know how, but i did.  i also felt the tears whelp up in my eyes when i saw that man of mine step off of the elevator as i was bouncing River outside in the hallway.  i once again felt relief from my burden.  knowing that not only was he an extra set of hands, but he was the mental support, the sturdy rock that i needed in the moment.

tomorrow, is my oldest daughter's 5th birthday.  i sat in my chair today and thought to myself, "how do i even begin to make this day special for her while we are all stuck in the hospital?"  even emma jane isn't quiet herself just yet from the sickness.  as i pondered this thought, i looked down at my phone with 9 missed text messages.  one message saying "i can bring cupcakes... another balloons... another a card... another a coffee... and so on."

once again... relief.  relief from my burden.

(i have the most amazing friends by the way)

so tonight...

why am i writing this blog when i should be sleeping.  because tonight was the last night that i was able to tell my 4 year old goodnight.  tomorrow she will be five.  because tonight i saw my 9 month old's eyes light up when she saw her mommy walk in the house for the first time in 2 days.  because tonight i am watching my 3 year old clutch onto her "get well" balloon as she sleeps.  and because tonight i am getting the room ready for a very special birthday girl.

because TOMORROW we will celebrate.

we will celebrate life.  because relief comes when living life under the eyes of the One who created us.   life is lived when we realize that we cannot do it all ourselves and that we must, we absolutely must hand it over to the One that can.

your heavenly father is the doctor waiting to take care of your sicknesses and diseases so that you can rest. your heavenly father is the one stepping off of the elevator ready to take your load off of your shoulders. and your heavenly father is the one ready to plan out the desires of your heart, even before you can speak them from your mouth.

life may get messy sometimes, but when we can hand it over to the Father who loves us, then we can always have a reason to celebrate.

life is good and worth living.

god loves you and he is ready for you to hand over your life to HIM.  do it.  you won't regret it.