I need Mommy Advice. Now.5:19:00 PM
I have written this blog twice. Once when I was fuming mad and couldn't even get my thoughts together and twice when my husband walked in, listened to me vent for 10 minutes on what just happened, and then to finally sit down and rewrite this from a more positive, less upset kind of mood.
First let me say, this by no means, is a "bash your kid" kind of blog. I have the utmost respect for my children and as for that being said, I expect the same in return from them. Which is one of the reasons why I need some advice, some comfort or even a "I had this happen to me..." kind of comment.
Today the girls had their wellness check-up at their new doctor. This appointment had been long awaited and I was very excited about them being seen for their check-up. Upon moving to Wilmington, we had an extremely tough time finding a doctor. You know those BIG signs out front of a doctor's office that say, "Accepting New Patients"?? Well, those do not apply if your child is on Medicaid. Fair system huh? So the fact that we even found this doctor and that he graciously accepted my children after yet another "divine appointment" (which I will have to share later), was a miracle in itself.
We arrive to the office, mermaid and backpack of toys in tow and are happily greeted in the waiting room. Without much wait, we are escorted back to the room all to have their temperature and blood pressure measured by the nurse. Ej complained a little when the cuff got tight, but all in all, she was a very big girl and great example for her sister. Doing great so far.
Then... the Doctor came in and the whole "vibe" in the room changes. Ej became a different child, one that I have seen all to often here lately, but never so bad in a public place before. As if the "NOs!" and the throwing toys at her sister and the "I don't want to's" weren't enough, then came the crazy crying and screaming. At first it was a "show off" to the doctor and if you know her, then you know that she is a "jokester"... as is her daddy. But then a line was crossed and it became disrespectful. Especially when she threw the mermaid at the doctor's face.
The doctor even offered some parenting advice. I think he could sense the tension as a mother. I possibly could have taken this as an insult and I am sure that I probably would have if I hadn't known in the back of my mind that God had shown us this doctor and the fact that his face and tone was full of sincerity. He told me that at the age of 3, this was the "breaking moment." That at this age you could either earn their respect or lose it. That how I effectively discipline her could result in her behavior later and also in that of Lela. This is always tough because you know the drill as a mother when your child is acting crazy in a public place... you try to "correct" without causing a "scene." I soon found myself in a "battle" with a 3 year old standing right in front of the doctor. And all I wanted her to do was to sit on my lap. The doctor even intervened in our little battle and said, "this is where you have to win as the parent." So I picked her up and physically put her on my lap, while she is kicking and screaming. He then wanted to examine her ears and that's when the battle turned into a war. *** Side note: The doctor was very "kid friendly." So the fact that this was a problem or scary for her was not the case. She just did not want to do it because Ej did not want to do it. I had to physically HOLD her down, while she is screaming, crying and blood faced mad all to get her ears checked. Her ears checked!!!!!!!! I am watching her as I am doing the holding and even though she is full of anger, my heart hurt for her. I hated to see her that way. She is such a good, loving child, but at this very moment, it was almost as if I was standing and observing a very different little girl...
We then spent the rest of the visit listening to her scream and cry in a corner while Lela got her vaccinations. Yes, Lela got shots and she managed to only cry for maybe 2 seconds. Ej cried the whole way home, while I was blazing with anger, confusion and racking my brain as to what and how I should handle this.
So this is where I need some confort. Ej has such a big heart. She is full of emotion and love for others and her family. She loves Jesus and she even told the doctor that He lived in her big heart. She is so full of emotion and love that sometimes it over takes her... in a negative way. I know my child and this was not out of being afraid of the unknown. This was a disobedient moment... one of many that we have had in the last year. I need some real advice here. Is this normal? Am I doing something wrong? As a former 1st grade teacher I am at a loss as to how to discipline my own child when it comes to these type moments. I am writing this to be real... in hopes that other moms can offer some gracious, loving advice, mother to mother.
I know that as mother's we are never perfect and we will always look back and see the changes that we could have made and that not all of the outcomes will be as we would have chosen. But I am a mother living under His divine grace and I know that He places other's words and advice in our paths to help us. So let me hear it...