Renewed Mommy.

After yesterday's rant about my child and her not so good behavior I felt the need to sit down and write for 2 reasons...  One, that I apologize for possibly "venting" to much, but on the other hand if someone else were to be at the end of the rope as a mother like I was yesterday, then I hope my blog post offered some "you are not alone" kind of comfort.  Two, I wanted to tell you that after much prayer, advice and a good night's sleep I am renewed and refreshed.

Yesterday for hours after the doctors appointment, I was so distraught about what the doctor had said and the behavior from my child, that all I wanted to do was to crawl in hole and just ignore the incident all together because I felt so helpless. Last night, I took a much needed trip to the grocery store by myself and had some good prayer time in the car.  It suddenly dawned on me that I have to show God's love through everything.  I just kept hearing, LOVE.  I thought about what the doctor said, how this was basically a "do or die" moment in my discipline tactics as a mother and how if I basically mess up now, it could determine their future.  Well, let me first say, that this doctor was genuine and sincere is his advice and again, I take no offense to his suggestions. But he offered his advice from a worldly perspective.  From a spiritual perspective, I know that God can redeem, transform and dismantle everything from our past and that through him we are a NEW CREATION.  Pondering this truth, immediately took away all the shame, guilt and condemnation that I was feeling as a mother.  My job is to seek His counsel in all things, including parenting, and by doing that, His grace will redeem my many mistakes that I will make. 

I do admit, there are a lot of things that I need to work on as an effective parent.  One of those things is when I say "no" to something, I stick to the answer.  I don't change my answer in fear that it will cause one of those inappropriate outburst like yesterday.  But with that said, I need to evaluate what I say "no" too.  And here is where God's love comes into play...  Am I saying "no" because it is what I want her to do or am I saying "no" because I have her best interest at heart? 

That's what I believe God to be.  He tells us no because he ultimately knows what is best for us as His children.  He doesn't say no because it is inconvenient, or maybe because He just doesn't feel like getting up to do it or maybe because He just doesn't want to clean up the mess that He knows it will make.  He says no because it is best for us.  Is that what I am deliberately considering her best interest before I say "no" ??

After much conversation with God, Wade and friends, I realize that there are some things that I could have done to possibly prevent what happened to me yesterday.  Possibly not.  Part of me thinks that it was just out of my control.  I do know that after writing my blog, hearing suggestions, and lots of prayer, that I at least do not feel alone.  I do not feel like an incompetent mother.  I am in this journey with a lot of hard working, passionate mothers who deal with this type of stuff daily and I am thankful that I have a heavenly Father who doesn't judge me, but kindly directs and counsels me in every step I make.